On May 14, 2011 I had the honor of singing for my brother’s wedding. When Alex and Michelle approached me months ago I was so excited. I was secretly hoping I could be a part of their day some how. I thought the best place for me would be the music so it was a dream come true when they asked. Since I was “in charge” of the music I enlisted the help of Mary Kay, a friend of choir and the wedding singer of St. Dennis, and I also asked one of the best accompanists I know, Karen, also from St. Dennis. I was so excited to have Mary Kay be a part of this experience not only for her expertise, but because I knew we could make some awesome harmonies with the music the bride and groom would pick.
The main songs they chose were “Me & You” for prelude, “I Could Not Ask for More” for unity candle, and “How Beautiful” for communion. I knew “How Beautiful,” but the other two I needed to learn. In practice we found that “I Could Not Ask” didn’t fit my voice very well since it was in a lower range, but Mary Kay sounded amazing as the lead on that one. I would lead “Me & You,” which definitely grew on me as I rehearsed it.
On the Big Day we practiced for the last time. Everything was going smoothly and I was surprised by the fact that I had no nerves. Even for a regular Mass I do at church I have some butterflies, but I had been praying all day that God would be there to give me strength. I was glad to see for such a special day I was keeping it together.
But then…Alex walked into the church. He looked so handsome in his tux and all the groomsmen looked amazing. We had one last song to practice: “How Beautiful.” I started it off by myself and I had to tell myself not think about the fact that the men were in the church. Again, the song was going smoothly, but when we got to the last verse that sung about the “radiant bride who waits for her groom” I lost it. I started crying! This song was already a tear jerker for me, but the fact that I was singing about Alex and Michelle I couldn’t keep it together anymore. I tapped Mary Kay, who was a bit surprised I was already crying. So we stopped and Mary Kay sent me behind the partition so I could collect myself. I felt like I was back there forever. I drank some water and then I paced as I started deep breathing exercises. At some points it felt like I was okay and could return, but then the wave of tears would come back. At last I returned even though I was still on the verge of more tears. My husband John came over and asked what was the matter. After telling him he took me out of the church to get some fresh air. On our way we saw both of my parents who were confident that I could pull myself together. I was glad that they didn’t concentrate too much on my crying. I think they knew it would just cause more tears. John distracted me by taking pictures of me outside and my parents distracted me by talking about my dress. Mary Kay and Karen came out of the church by this point to finish practicing in the chapel. We continued where we had left off, but again I was half crying, half singing. We all agreed that if I become emotional like this again during the song I should just bow out and let Mary Kay finish it strong. They were confident that since the song was near the end of the ceremony I would be fine by that point. Mary Kay also was sure that I was just getting my tears out now instead of doing it during the actual ceremony. I was hoping they were both right.
I had a new concern though: I was singing the prelude, which was coming up soon, and I was on the verge of tears. I couldn’t start off the wedding by falling apart in front of everyone. I was continuously breathing deeply and thinking positive thoughts, but I was still too close to crying. By this point I was sitting back in the church near the piano. The deacon, who was going to preside the wedding ,came by and I let him know I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to refrain from crying. Dave offered to give me a blessing, which I agreed to immediately. Minutes before the wedding we went behind the partition and he blessed me with the kindest words. Prayer has an emotional effect on me as well so I had to hold my tears in. I wouldn’t say it was an immediate feeling, but a peace and calm and strength started coming over me. I knew at that moment I was going to be fine.
When it was time, Mary Kay and I stepped up to our mics to begin the ceremony. I sang “Me & You” with no problem and I was actually enjoying myself, instead of being on the verge of tears. There was one point I looked up and I saw everyone was getting in their places. My brother was already in his spot at the bottom of the altar. I looked away. Even though I was singing for him and his bride, I couldn’t think about where he was.
There was one moment, after we were done singing the psalm, that my brother and I looked at each other. He mouthed “good job.” I smiled and mouthed back “thanks.” I turned away from him then so I couldn’t give myself the chance to tear up. After they were done with the unity candle Alex and Michelle looked over at us. I had teared up a bit after the song because Mary Kay did such a great job with it. I smiled at the happy couple, but again I couldn’t look at them for long.
And then the moment of truth came: “How Beautiful.” I felt confident and I was excited to sing the song, both good signs. When we got to the bride and groom verse, my voice quavered slightly on the word “groom.” I dug deep and told myself “not today.” Mary Kay and I finished the song strong. Deacon Dave was waiting to give us communion. I walked up to him with a big smile on my face. “Wow,” he said. “You just hit that out of the park.” I thanked him and went back to the mic. I felt relief and excitement. I got through it! We had the nuptial blessing left to sing and then I had the pleasure to watch my brother and his wife recess out of the church. I thanked Karen and Mary Kay numerous times afterward. I don’t think it could have gone as well without both of them.
I walked out of the church with Dave and his wife Pat. “Good job, Emily,” he said. “Good job to you, too!” I responded. “For what?” he asked. I smiled at him and said,
“You blessed me.”
The rest of the day was extraordinary and wonderful. The Best Man and Maid of Honor both delivered touching speeches, leaving me with tears in my eyes.
Congratulations Alex and Michelle! I’m so happy for you and I can not wait to see what life has in store!
